


What I Cannot Say

by AltonaFalcon



Series: Jihyo x Tzuyu / Jitzu Oneshot Collection [2]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Drama, F/F, Jitzu, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-25 05:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13827090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AltonaFalcon/pseuds/AltonaFalcon
Summary: In which Tzuyu managed to express her love in the wrongest way possible.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [underneaththewalnuttree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/underneaththewalnuttree/gifts).



> This story is dedicated to underneaththewalnuttree, a prolific MiMo writer with her legendary story 'Choice and Timing'. Thank you for the most awesome Twice fanfic I've ever read, and even though this humble story of mine belongs to another ship, I do hope you will read it, since I was so inspired by yours that I momentarily stopped writing my other story just so I could concentrate on making this even worth looking at.

It started innocently enough.

It was when TWICE was attending a fansign event, and a reporter asked them a question.

“Who would you guys choose to stay with if you were stuck on an island?”

As the other members nonchalantly gave their answers, Tzuyu started to panic. Having spent quite some time in the industry, she knew by instinct that this was the kind of question that added fuel to the fire known as shipping. She also knew, not by instinct but by experience, that she had to use the utmost caution on responding to such questions. Reckless answers that favored one particular member would bring down the delicate equilibrium between ships, and depressed shippers- followers of couples with hardly any interaction- were likely to stop being fans of TWICE, something they all tried desperately to avoid.

That did not stop Tzuyu from blurting out the first and only name that came to her mind.

“Jihyo-unnie.”

She realized her blunder one split second too late, and before the interviewers had any time to react, she hurriedly added.

“And Momo-unnie. Um, if I go with Momo-unnie, I can eat as much food as I want.” That was completely nonsense, seeing as Momo probably ate more than her and could not cook to save her life. Still, anything to distract them was better than nothing. “And if I go with Jihyo-unnie, I can, um…”

 _Share all private things with her. Shower her with hugs and kisses all day. Cuddle with her at night.Play in the sea with her. Protect her from danger._ All kinds of things Tzuyu wanted to do with her leader ran through her mind, from chaste to kinky, from playful to serious, yet none of them seemed appropriate.

“… have her take my photos for free.”

Tzuyu only dared to sneak one quick glance at Jihyo’s confused stare before visibly shrinking in her seat.

_Real smooth, Chou Tzuyu. What the fuck._

_____

When Dahyun and Chaeyoung got back to their maknae line room, they found Tzuyu lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling lifelessly.

“Hey Tzuyu, what are you thinking about? You haven’t even changed yet.” Dahyun asked, noticing her friend’s attire. The other two had been enjoying a girl’s night out with several unnies, while Tzuyu and Mina had excused themselves as soon as they reached the dorm. Mina because she wanted to finish her game, and Tzuyu… well, she was too down in the dumps and too pissed at herself to enjoy spending time with others.

“Hush Dahyun, maybe she’s sleeping with her eyes open.” Chaeyoung commented with a smile.

“Oh, in that case I should just slap her senseless to wake her up.” That elicited an involuntary laugh from Tzuyu. She was still embarrassed from the dance studio incident, where she in a panic had done just that to Nayeon- who was actually napping with her eyes wide open. To this day she still could not understand how it was possible, but that panic act of hers had already became a standing joke.

“Give me a break guys, it was really terrifying.” Tzuyu said getting up.  There was no point in wallowing in her misery now that her roommates were back. They would be able to give her some good advice, thought Tzuyu.

“Not in the long run Tzuyu, but okay for now.” Dahyun conceded, dropping the subject. “You want to talk about something? We’re all ears.” The Taiwanese girl smiled appreciatively. Air-headed and goofy as she seemed to be, Tofu was actually a great listener should the need arise. Admittedly, she was second to Jihyo in this department, but Tzuyu couldn’t very well come to her leader about how she became worse than a bumbling baffoon whenever it concerned that very girl.

Of course, she could also consult Nayeon or Jeongyeon, seeing as they were older and therefore likely to be more experienced with such problems. Tzuyu had doubts however, that whatever she said would reach Jihyo’s pretty ears faster than how Momo could switch back and forth between a complete idiot and a lusty seductress. The unnie line had been close together since the very first days after all.

With that in mind, Dahyun was obviously the next best choice to be subject to Tzuyu’s predicament.

“It’s about Jihyo-unnie.” Tzuyu sighed dejectedly when she saw Chaeyoung already looking away. “Yes I know Chaeng, again.”

“I’ll also take a guess that it has something to do with that interview just then.” The short rapper was already climbing to her upper bunk, getting ready for another of Tzuyu’s distressed talk.

“Yes… well not really. I managed to have a decent answer this time.” Said the Taiwanese proudly. Last time put under pressure, she had fumbled with her Korean and called the show she was in ‘boring’.

“Thing is, if things keep going this way, Jihyo-unnie will have an impression that she’s nothing to me than some kind of employee. Today I literally called her my personal photographer.”

“Oh, let’s not forget the time in Japan. You basically called her your interpreter.” Tzuyu heaved a heavy sigh at this, recalling said event. Eight members of TWICE, excluding Jihyo, were being interviewed for an article celebrating Jihyo’s birthday. The leader’s glamorous pictures were printed on the first few pages of the magazine, surrounded by trivias, Q&A, and – last but not least – other member’s comments. The others cheerily recounted their private experiences, altogether painting a picture of Jihyo for exactly who she was- optimistic, cheerful, caring, and understanding.

_“Jihyo has big round sparkling eyes. She has really interesting personality, and she’s our main vocalist too. She is TWICE’s indispensible piece of puzzle that connects us all together. The other day she was wearing her pyjamas, a pair of high-heels with the towel wrapped around her head, and just like that, she started one hilarious fashion show. Not only that, she is always confident and responsible, always happy and exerts a positive aura.”_

_“Just as you guys think, Jihyo works really hard as the group leader. She listens to everyone, and has a strong consciousness about her own responsibility. Everyone trusts her. Still, she is shy and reserved at heart. The other day she dropped her chopsticks onto the floor and dared not ask for a new pair. I had to do it for her. Being together since we’re kids, I know many more sides of her personality than she lets out._

Tzuyu’s mind, on the other hand, only got more and more blank until she blurted out something completely impertinent.

_“Since I’m a foreigner, I sometimes can’t understand the complex details in our company’s business debrief sessions. Jihyo-unnie is the one who compiles everything and explains to me in an easier way. I really appreciate her for it. She is, um, also very active and can enjoy everything wholly. When I see her enjoy herself during concerts, I keep thinking she’s the most amazing leader ever.”_

It was your most run-of-the-mill positive comment ever on someone, mostly employed for people not that close to one another. Tzuyu was still chastising herself for that, with no little help from the J-Trinity for being so formal and estranged.

“I just… can’t understand why it’s so hard for me to show my appreciation for everything she’s done to me.” Tzuyu said depressed.

“Aw… it’s okay Chewy-ah.” Dahyun said softly, using Tzuyu’s Korean name for additional effect. “I’m sure Jihyo knows how much you love her…”

“Dahyun-unnie.” She was interrupted by Chaeyoung’s deadpan. The two shared a meaningful look, and Dahyun knew it was her cue to leave the stage for the younger rapper.

“Tzuyu-ah, know that I say this not to make you feel better, and believe me you won’t, but to help you out.” Tzuyu nodded, bracing herself for what was to come. “Think about it Tzuyu. It’s not just about how you guys appear in public, but all the time you are together, you kind of act as if you didn’t want Jihyo-unnie to be there. At best you pretend she was not there, and at worst you tell her off with your savage jokes.”

Tzuyu’s head hung low.

“Like, it’s just joking if it happens every now and then, but I’ve never seen you act anything different than that.”

All Chaeng said was true, every single word.

“I sometimes wonder what Jihyo-unnie feels. I mean, she might or might not like you back, that I don’t know, since she takes great care of us all. She’s a god already according to our fans, but if she really doesn’t mind, she must be a real one.”

Chaeyoung rarely acted serious, but when she did, her words cut deeper than any knife.

“I think she gets it now Chaeng, well said.” Dahyun intervened, signaling Chaeyoung to stop. She wrapped her arm around the pile of self-loathing known as Tzuyu. “There, there. You know she means well.” Seeing the gesture did not work well, she pulled Tzuyu in a hug.

Taking comfort in Dahyun’s embrace, Tzuyu was determined to do something to salvage the situation.

____

Said determination had all but vaporized when she stood rigidly in front of Jihyo’s door the next day.

It had taken all she had to cross the corridor from the maknae room to the largest room, where Jihyo, Jeongyeon, Sana and Mina currently resided. All possible scenarios played in her mind, and it was more distracting than reassuring, seeing as her depraved self somehow managed to end all said scenarios with them being naked and kissing in bed.

It was quite clear that Tzuyu, overwhelmed with guilt and eager to make a move, did not quite think it through before she decided to ask Jihyo out on a date.

She just never noticed how empty her head was until she opened the door, and it was already too late to back out.

Around the room, TWICE members were going about their normal business. Nayeon was in the middle of a phone conversation, while Mina had her head buried in her game. Tzuyu decided not to be a bother, redirecting her attention to Jihyo. She was noisily rolling around on the bed with Sana in front of a phone screen; they were most likely in a Vlive session, Tzuyu deduced. That managed to suppress her sudden jealousy from flaring up too much.

She was about to sneak out and close the door quietly, but Jihyo noticed the new presence in the room.

“Tzuyu-ah! Do you need anything?”

“… Um, no I don’t. I just came to hang out.” She quickly lied.

“Come join us then, some fans are calling for you. Well they always are, but still.” Jihyo said, making Sana giggle. Tzuyu hesitantly complied, climbing on to the small bed. There was not enough space, so she- in a random stroke of cheekiness- opted to half-lie on top of Jihyo, her head resting upon the older girl’s right shoulder. She smiled at the front camera and whispered ‘Hello’, all the while adjusting her position so that she would not put too much weight on the girl beneath her.  She was suddenly conscious of how closely her and Jihyo’s body were touching, only separated by their clothes and a thin layer of blanket. To Tzuyu’s infinite relief, her leader did not seem to mind.

They stayed like that for a while, animatedly replying to fans’ queries. Every now and then, Tzuyu had to fend off Sana’s mischievous attempts to sneak kisses on Jihyo’s squishy cheeks, half of which she did not succeed.

After the seventeenth failure, she cried out frustratedly.

“Stop it already Sana-unnie!” For reasons unknown, Jihyo had been blissfully ignorant to the duo’s silent battle. She only looked up after Tzuyu’s irritated complaint.

“Huh? What’s Sana doing?” She did not get a reply. Sana was too busy smiling triumphantly and deviously at Tzuyu’s outburst, and Tzuyu was too busy beating herself up yet again.

“Someone is jealous~~~” Sana said in a sing-song voice, and Tzuyu got even more flustered. She was by no means ready to publicize her feelings, especially when Jihyo herself wasn’t even aware of them yet.

“If you really need to kiss someone, just kiss me.” Desperately trying for a way to get out of the situation, Tzuyu blurted out.

“Don’t mind if I do~” Sana took no time leaning over and planting kisses upon Tzuyu’s resigned cheek. She did not plan the night to go this way, but if it could distract Sana from letting the cat out of the bag, then so be it.

Too preoccupied with their antics, neither Sana nor Tzuyu noticed the ever-present smile disappearing from Jihyo’s face, as well as the slight narrowing of her eyes. If they had paid even the slightest attention, they would also have seen the Vlive chat column exploding with comments.

“DAEBAKKKKK SANA SO FLIRTY LOLOL”

“DID TZUYU JUST CONFESS LKQEJTLEITUWFL”

“YES SHE DID DON’T YOU SEE HOW SHE TRIED TO STOP SANA FROM KISSING JIHYO”

“OMG LOVE TRIANGLEEEE”

“GODJIHYO IS JELLYYYYYY SHE IS FROWNING”

“LOL JEALOUS JIHYO IS SO CUTEEEE”

Jihyo read everything, and this only served to dampen her mood even more.

_____

After the tumultuous Vlive session, Jihyo went out to the common room to watch her evening drama. Tzuyu hastily followed, fidgeting all the way. Only now did she realize the extent of her failings; she had practically asked Sana to kiss her, in front of Jihyo no less.  Whatever she meant to say now would sound no better than gibberish. Well, it’s not like she could come up with anything better than gibberish itself, but still it would have sounded better had it not for the unexpected incident.

“Tzuyu-ah, you still there?” Jihyo’s curious voice pulled her back to reality. “You’re spacing out on me.”

“Oh, um… Sorry unnie, I was just thinking about something.”

“You look weird just standing there. Come, let’s watch the show together.” Jihyo lightly tugged on Tzuyu’s hand, pulling her towards the couch. Tzuyu was never one to watch movies; she found it hard to sit still and just passively watch on as the scenes played by, preferring to read instead since it gave her chances to stop and contemplate about what she had just absorbed. Still, it had surely been a while since they last enjoyed something together, so the Taiwanese happily agreed.

They spent the remainder of the evening laughing and fangirling at the admittedly hilarious romance comedy. As the ending credit roll started, Tzuyu could not hold a disappointed sigh. It had been pure bliss, having Jihyo lean her head on her own shoulder for the entirety of the movie, occasionally sneaking in a hug around her waist when both of them were laughing off their asses. Taking into account how horrible Tzuyu had been feeling these couple of days, their time together had done more than enough to lift her spirits.

“Nee, Jihyo-unnie.” She asked as they were heading towards their respective bedrooms.

“Yeah?”

“Are you, um, free tomorrow?”

“I actually have something to do… Got a call from our manager just now.” Tzuyu’s heart wilted a little at that. “I should be done by noon though.” She perked up again. How easy it was for Jihyo to manipulate her emotions with just innocent, honest-to-God comments, realized Tzuyu.

“It’s okay unnie, I have classes in the morning too. Um…” Looking at Jihyo’s expectant face, Tzuyu smiled and was about to continue, until she realized she had no freaking idea how she could ask her leader on a normal outing. She could not very well say “let’s go on a date”, could she? It was often so natural when she was invited by other members, but somehow she felt like she had been building this up too much for a ‘let’s have lunch together tomorrow’.

Sensing Tzuyu’s discomfort, Jihyo helpfully reached out and stroked her arms gently.

“… I found this really cute coffee shop, and I was wondering if you wanted to check it out with me. Also we can take some pictures, if you bring your camera.”

The hand caressing Tzuyu’s arm stilled. Jihyo raised an eyebrow quizzically at her.

“That was… a weird invitation to a date Tzuyu-ah.” Jihyo joked smiling, but the smile never reached her eyes. Tzuyu was too elated and flustered to notice it though.

“I-It’s not a date! I just really want to share some good memories with you.” She was also too busy digging a deeper hole for herself. Again, Jihyo acted like she did not hear what she said.

“Well alright then Tzuyu-ah, let’s enjoy ourselves tomorrow!” I’ll pick you up at school. Now go to bed.” Jihyo tip-toed to give Tzuyu an affectionate pat on her head. The maknae grinned, enjoying the sensation.

“Good night Jihyo-unnie, see you tomorrow.” She practically skipped back to her room. She did not do great today, but she scored herself a private date with her Jihyo-unnie the next day, and she could not be happier.

The door to the maknae opened and closed, leaving Jihyo standing alone in the common room.

Her fake smile long disppeared, Jihyo stood motionless, glaring at the door behind which Tzuyu just entered. She eventually shook her head and trudged back to the unnie line room, her long shadow cast over the floor not one bit darker than the one above her eyes.

_____

I planned this to be a simple oneshot, but the story just grew and grew. I’ll update the second chapter as soon as I can. Don’t worry, it does not grow any longer than that :D

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

School periods went by too slowly for Tzuyu’s liking.

 

For every other student, they were passing way too fast.

 

Never been one to like constant attention, Tzuyu always tried the damndest not to attract looks from her fellow classmates. She only wore the lightest amount of makeup possible, chose to wear the most non-descriptive and inconspicuous kind of clothing that they came, and she never styled her hair before class. In class she sat in a corner, wholly concentrated to the lecturer, not speaking to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. It might or might not have spread a rumor of her being aloof and pretentious, but she did not really mind it that much. She was nice to those nice to her, and what they said about her mattered more, and certainly spread just as much.

 

For today however, the appearance of Chou Tzuyu at her university left almost the entire male population- and a portion of the female counterparts- dazed and drooling. Her silky brown hair was curled flawlessly, cascading down her back and bouncing lightly with every step. She actually took time putting on careful make-up this time around, which served well in highlighting her bright eyes and perfectly-shaped rosy lips. Tzuyu even took a step further and added a striped ribbon around the collar of normally plain white uniform shirt. All in all, she was elegance and cuteness combined.

 

And, to top it all, she was smiling all the time. With the sparkle in her eyes and the adorable dimple on her left cheek perpetually present throughout classes, the other students found it incredibly difficult to focus on the lesson and not sneak a dreamy glance at her direction every now and then.

 

It was at the third period when Chaeyoung could no longer take it.

 

“Okay Tzuyu, spill.”

 

“Spill what Chaeng?” Tzuyu tilted her head to the side cutely, feigning innocence. Chaeyoung rolled her eyes frustratedly.

 

“Oh come on, I’ve lived with you for years now. You don’t dress up to school, like, ever. What did the students do to ever deserve this godsent-level eye candy again?” Chae asked sarcastically. The last part was honest though, because Tzuyu practically redefined the term beauty today, and it could not be without a reason.

 

“I’m going out with Jihyo-unnie today.” Tzuyu disclosed excitedly. This got Chaeyoung out of her sardonic mood, and she smiled widely.

 

“Aw really? That’s cute!” Tzuyu nodded, feeling extremely satisfied with herself. “So she’s not mad at you or anything?”

 

 “I don’t think so. Goes to show how great of a person she is.” Tzuyu smiled fondly, her negative thoughts long forgotten. Chaeyoung couldn’t help but feel happy for her friend; Tzuyu’s elation was simply contagious at this point. The smile never left the Taiwanese girl’s lips even as they spoke, and every so often she’d have that glazed look on her face- a look that indicated she was lost in another of her romantic fantasies. She’d catch herself doing that a few seconds after, and when she did, she would shake her head furiously while cupping her blushing cheeks. It was your typical hopeless girl in love, and for that Chaeyoung was glad.

 

Being the sensible one in the maknae line however, the younger rapper could ill afford to sit still and imagine the best would happen, which was exactly what Tzuyu was doing in her mind.

 

“Tzuyu-ah, I still find it a little hard to believe though. You just straight out asked Jihyo-unnie to go on a date?” Chaeyoung inquired, stressing on the last word. Tzuyu’s aura got a bit dimmer, and she pouted.

 

“Well not really. I just said I knew this nice coffee shop, we could take some photos and enjoy some time together. That’s basically a date, no?”

 

Chaeyoung could not care less about the later part of her friend’s response. She immediately bristled at Tzuyu, who jumped a bit at her sudden outburst.

 

“Photos!? Again!? What the hell is with you and taking photos, Tzuyu-ah?”

 

Tzuyu’s mouth opened as if to answer, but was promptly shut as Chaeyoung continued.

 

“It’s bad enough that you want to go with her to a deserted island just to have free photos, but now you’re actually planning to go through with it? Aish, I can’t understand you sometimes.”

 

The rapper was full-on Tiger mode, but before she managed to unleash anymore of her frustration onto her dumbass friend, the bell chime resounded in the classroom, signaling the start of the next period.

 

As the class noisily shuffled back to their seats, Chaeyoung gave one last warning.

 

“Tzuyu-ah, I do hope I’m just overthinking this. It’s great if your so-called ‘date’ goes the way you imagine it to, but if anything goes wrong, know that it’s your fault.”

 

_____

Chaeyoung’s words haunted Tzuyu for the remainder of school. Her friend had always been right, especially when it concerned emotions and relationships.

 

It was almost enough for her to question the validity of the upcoming date. Did Jihyo really think of it as one, or did she only agree to go along with Tzuyu’s request out of her own good nature? Or worse, did she perhaps think she was going to fulfil the leader’s role by being at her member’s beck and call?

 

No, it couldn’t be. Jihyo was nice, angelic even, but no one could be that selfless.

 

Despite Chaeyoung’s reasoning, deep down, Tzuyu still had another reason to believe otherwise. She remembered, always, how happy Jihyo had been in every occasion where photographing was involved. The brunette was always the first to grab hold of any camera within reach to capture Tzuyu’s various expressions, be it annoyance or amusement. It was kind of strange at first, but seeing how the older girl was so enthusiastic about it, Tzuyu decided to not think much into it and just enjoy being the impromptu model. Before long, she took the initiative and began to take photos of the older girl- who was surprised, but gladly agreed soon after. Sure enough, the finest pictures of the Taiwanese singer were taken by Jihyo, who had memorized by now Tzuyu’s best-looking angles, just like how she knew Jihyo’s by heart.

 

It was that delighted shimmer in Jihyo’s eyes, her overzealous attitude, and her melodious, heartfelt laughter that led Tzuyu to believe Jihyo enjoyed the activity as much as she did. After all, it was Jihyo who got her into liking photography, and it was a private thing that had kept them close to each other.

 

So Tzuyu believed, and she hoped she was right.

_____

 

For the most part, their date went exceptionally well. After Jihyo dropped by Tzuyu’s school to pick her up (dressed just as well as Tzuyu, if not more), the duo drove away in dazzed looks and curious whispers of pretty much all bystanders.

“Is TWICE going to an award ceremony today?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Well, they don’t just dress up for no reason. But hot damn, they are beautiful.”

“Tell me about it.”

“You think they’re on a date?”

“What? No way!”

 

They decided to stop at a restaurant to have lunch first, during which Tzuyu happily recounted the students’ reaction to her glammed up.

 

“Normally I’d hate people staring at me, but somehow today, it didn’t really feel nearly as bad as usual.”

 

“I know right? It’s the same thing for me!” Jihyo exclaimed, and they both giggled. The older girl also experienced a similar action today at the agency, attracting no few adored looks from whoever lucky enough to see TWICE’s leader pass by during her errands.

 

“I’m afraid I might get used to this. Then everyone will be jealous, and I probably will get into trouble.” Tzuyu put her hands on her heart in a dramatic damsel-in-distress act, which amused Jihyo to no end.

 

“Nah, your fans will destroy anyone who even dares to approach you the wrong way. And I’m gonna have the first hit.” Jihyo took hold of Tzuyu’s hand for emphasis. The warmth radiating from their intertwined fingers coursed through Tzuyu’s body like wildfire. Covering the massive blush that she knew was present with a napkin, Tzuyu pretended to wipe her mouth before replying.

“You don’t have time to worry about me Jihyo-unnie. I mean, you have your own admirers to deal with too.” Said the Taiwanese girl, for good reason. It had always weighed on Tzuyu’s mind, the pressure of her career, the demands of her fans, the suffocating admirers that wanted to know more about her, and a lot of trivialities going on in the background. She always wanted to take a breather. A tiny break. To refresh and relax, renew herself before she burned out completely.

Jihyo, on the other hand, was different. Her unnie had always been bubbly, enthusiastic, and happy. Tzuyu could always see it in her eyes the happiness that radiated all around her, and the smile that never failed to cheer her up.

Jihyo-unnie might take pride about her beautiful brown flowing tresses, yet, the most prominent and captivating thing about her was her personality that could warm up even the sun.

Blinking, her gaze went towards Jihyo's round chocolate eyes that seemed to sparkle with joy and a Tzuyu always prided herself as beautiful, yet, sometimes when she saw Jihyo, she couldn't help but doubt herself. Jihyo had a great personality, a lovely face, and a sexy body to top it off.

How could that be? The face of an angel and the body of a devil. That's just unfair!

"--Tzuyu!" Jihyo snapped her fingers rapidly in front of her face. "Are you feeling unwell? Hello?"

"Ah! Sorry unnie. No, I’m okay.”

"I have been trying to get your attention. Is there something bothering you?"

"Oh. I'm sorry." Tzuyu smiled sheepishly. "There's nothing wrong. Just thinking of how pretty you are today. I bet everyone was all over you at work."

“Oh you’re right, who doesn’t want a piece of this?” Jihyo did a fabulous shake of her head, making the luscious brown curls of her hair flip around playfully. Tzuyu laughed at this and faked a fangirl reaction.

 “But, jokes aside,” Jihyo suddenly stared deep into Tzuyu’s eyes. She smiled a meaningful smile. “You’ll protect me then, won’t you?”

 

_“Will you save me if I fall into the water?” “I can’t swim.”_

_“Unnie is your medicine.” “That’s why I haven’t been cured yet.”_

A part of Tzuyu screamed for her to be her usual savage self, to reply something along the line of ‘Leader protects maknae, not vice versa’, to make her leader sulk just for kicks.

 

“Of course, Jihyo-unnie.”

 

Not now, she told herself. She loved Jihyo way too much for that.

 

_____

 

The coffee date after lunch was going as well as Tzuyu had hoped for, before the unthinkable happened.

 

Being born on the cusp of the new millennium, the Taiwanese girl was largely unfamiliar with chemical photography. She had heard of film cameras, of course, but she never afford the time nor effort to look into something she had not yet encountered in her life.

 

That was why, when Jihyo brought out her decade-old traditional camera, she was amazed.

 

“Wow Jihyo-unnie, how did you get that?”

 

“I can’t remember myself. I’ve had it forever, so I thought I might use it today. As good a time as any to try things out the old way, right?” Tzuyu enthusiastically nodded.

 

They spent a good part of the afternoon enjoying themselves: exploring how the camera worked, discussing the differences between old and new, and taking turns to pose for pretty pictures.

 

After they were done, Jihyo excused herself to go to the restroom, leaving Tzuyu to her own devices. She picked up one of the film rolls on the table and spun it around excitedly, like a child playing with his new toy.

 

 _I wonder if there’s anyway to preview the pictures…_ The maknae decided to imitate what Jihyo did, tugging at the loose end of the film. Little by little, she looked at the film as it unfolded, but she saw nothing but black. Disappointed, she put everything back to its place.

 

And now, when Jihyo was staring speechlessly at the ruined films, Tzuyu was still oblivious to her major blunder.

 

“What’s wrong, Jihyo-unnie?”

 

“The film rolls are ruined…” Jihyo mumbled dejectedly. “Tzuyu-ah, you pulled the film out, didn’t you.”

 

“I did… oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Tzuyu’s guilty eyes followed Jihyo’s nimble fingers as she carefully checked each of the remaining rolls.

 

“Nah it’s okay, no problem. We lost a lot of good pictures though.” Jihyo pouted. Seeing as she was not genuinely sad, Tzuyu finally dared to smile a bit.

 

"Um... maybe we can go out again tomorrow?" She asked hopefully.

 

"Huh?" Jihyo tilted her head, either she misheard or did not understand Tzuyu's invitation.

 

“Really! Let’s take back those pictures together.” Tzuyu said, then immediately regretted it.

 

 _Clang._ Jihyo’s teaspoon dropped onto the floor, and she made no move to pick it up. She was busy staring at Tzuyu, who shivered under the sudden hostility.

 

For reasons unknown, she could practically _feel_ the aura around Jihyo changed. The warm welcoming looks were gone, replaced by something she could not put her finger on.

 

“Jihyo-unnie, I’m really sorry for ruining the film. They must be really expensive. Please don’t be mad at me.” She whispered, scared of further aggravating the older girl.

 

“It’s not about the film Tzuyu-ah, it’s just…” To Tzuyu’s inquisitive stare, Jihyo sighed. “… never mind.”

 

The conversation from there pretty much went downhill. No matter how much Tzuyu wanted to engage her unnie in a conversation, Jihyo only replied with occasional curt ‘yeah’ or ‘uh huh’. Her energetic self was all but gone, and every part of her screamed weariness.

 

“So I was standing at the school gate, and…” Tzuyu said, on another desperate attempt to salvage the date, but she was interrupted by Jihyo.

 

“Let’s talk about it later. It’s late, time to go home Tzuyu-ah.”

 

Tzuyu could not take any more of this coldness. Jihyo’s attitude had turned a complete 180 after the incident, and it was driving her crazy.

 

“I said I’m sorry already! Why are you making a big deal out of this? I’ll pay you back if that’s what you need.” The older girl wheeled around and looked at her incredulously.

 

“You think this is about money?” Jihyo slowly asked, stretching out every word. “… Tzuyu, please tell me. What are we even here for?” She finally asked the vital question, the one thing that had been bothering her all this time.

 

“I want to spend time with you! I just think, we share the same hobby, so why not go out and do something we both like? What’s wrong with it!?” Tzuyu exclaimed frustratedly. She honestly had no idea what ruined Jihyo’s mood.

 

That moment, it was like all signs of life escaped Jihyo. She stared at Tzuyu with blank lifeless eyes, before sluggishly standing up, as if she had forgotten how to use her legs.

 

“Goodbye Tzuyu, I’m leaving first.”

 

Tzuyu just sat there dumbfounded, knowing she messed up big time. What she did not know, however, was what she did wrong. Just like that, everything she had in store crumbled to ashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I messed up badly during the most important part. I have no idea how film photographing works, so I wrote that part quite haphazardly. Please forgive me!


	3. Chapter 3

Dinnertime at TWICE dorm was always noisy and chaotic. Even when no one was speaking, the large kitchen was bustling with cooking sounds and the clinking of utensils against bowls containing various foods. Seeing as no one in the group could cook well nor enjoy cooking, it was a free-for-all where everyone either ordered take-out or tried their hands at whatever attractive recipes they found online. Therefore, fire extinguishers were never put out of reach.

In a corner, Nayeon- the eldest member of TWICE- was devouring her ramen in a highly unrefined fashion. Not caring even a little about how her hair was practically covering her face and brushing inside the bowl, she continued to slurp down the noodles with a fervor.

On the other side sat Mina and Jeongyeon, enjoying their dinnertime with a manner so disparate from Nayeon, people could not think they were sitting in the same room. She was leisurely flipping through a random megazine as she enjoyed her sandwich, while Mina looked over her shoulder, idly swirling her cup of tea.

In the middle of the kitchen, Sana was being Sana- hopelessly following a cooking video, doing something wrong at every step, shrieking everytime something hot touched her hand.

They barely spared a glance at the front door as it opened, and Jihyo came in.

"Welcome back Jihyo, why are you home so late. Thought you'd be home by noon." Not looking up from her megazine, Jeongyeon commented.

"Oh, it's nothing. Just some other business." Taking off her shoes, Jihyo answered flippantly.

Mina stopped playing with the cup of tea.

"Oh." Said Jeongyeon, not wanting to dwell more on the topic.

"Say, Jihyo..." Mina asked tentatively, with a hint of worry in her voice. "Do you happen to know where Tzuzu is? We haven´t seen her since she left for school this morning either."

"I don`t know Mina, you can ask her manager? He is always nearby, no worries." Came another nonchalant reply. Jihyo was currently bending down to take off her shoes, her long hair obscuring whatever expression she had.

The brash sound of Nayeon's slurping ceased.

"Jihyo-ah..." Seeing the leader already heading towards their bedroom, she hastily called. "... Do you want to have some dinner? We ordered a lot for you guys."

"... I'm not hungry." Having stopped momentarily to listen to Nayeon, Jihyo answered and continued her retreat without turning back.

The obnoxious noise of Sana's cooking came to a halt.

Jihyo quickly entered the room and slammed the door shut.

The kitchen was now completely devoid of sound, as residents of the largest bedroom exchanged worried looks.

Something was terribly, dreadfully wrong.

 

_____

 

Ever since the very first day of TWICE, so far as Sixteen era, Jihyo’s overwhelming kindness had been unequivocal. At the beginning, where the trainees were either new to Korea or overly anxious of the competition underway, some might have doubted her for putting up a nice act and having ulterior motives. However, as days went by and every member- Major or Minor, depending which team Jihyo belonged to at the time- was showered by care and affection courtesy of JYP’s longest trainee, the suspicion began to fade, gradually replaced by appreciation. They started to rely on her private notes left at their bedside early in the morning, on her shoulder after they were reproached by the producer, and on her sweet encouraging words whispered into their ears whenever they needed emotional support.

 

Thus, Jihyo’s highest score during the anonymous voting session came as little surprise. That was when whatever negative thoughts about her completely dissipated; the trainees realized, by looking at the tally, that Jihyo had gone out of her way to help every single one of them at the expense of her own time and effort- not because she wanted something from them, but because that was the kind of person she was. While there might be some disappointment, discovering that one was not a special person to the girl, it was nothing compared to the collective adoration. That day, everyone knew- Jihyo was undoubtedly the centerpiece of the future girl group, the sister that they all needed, the leader that they could all depend on.

 

She had always been there, that kindhearted Jihyo. Sometimes too close for comfort, but when TWICE truly needed her, she never failed to show up. Not even once.

 

Therefore, when that very Jihyo acted nonchalant and distant, those closest to her- Nayeon, Mina, and Sana- knew she was deeply hurt. She was always looking after someone, and that left no time to look after her, not even herself. She had completely forgotten how, and thus when the pain became too great to handle, she turned into a completely different person.

 

 _____

 

“Jihyo-ah?” Nayeon gingerly knocked on the door. She half-expected a lack of answer and they would have to force it open, but then she heard the person inside shuffling towards where the three of them stood, and Jihyo simply opened it with a pleasant smile.

 

“Sorry unnie, I had to change. Haven’t got time to take off my makeup though.” She tugged at her clothing, which was not her nightwear- a plain red long-sleeved shirt and shorts. “So, what is it?” She asked, oblivious to the trio’s concern.

 

As Nayeon was struggling to approach the situation withou scaring the girl off, Jihyo’s stomach suddenly let out a grumble. Seizing the opportunity, she took hold of the embarrassed leader’s hand.

 

“Why did you tell us you’re not hungry?” Nayeon asked with a pout. She wanted to show that while the question was interrogative, it did not hold any ill intent.

 

“I don’t want to eat.” Jihyo answered monotonously, the positive façade long since dropped.

 

Sana felt it was her turn to try.

 

“Jihyo-ah… You only skip meals when you’re sad. What’s wrong?” Asked Sana quietly, knowing they were walking on thin ice. Yet, despite the tentativeness, her inquiry irked Jihyo even more.

 

“Please Sana, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“Just tell us about it Jihyo, we’ll help you.”

 

“I’m fine. Really.”

 

“If you would just…”

 

“I said I’m fine! Why do you keep acting like you know me!?” Jihyo snapped, and immediately regretted it. Her hand flew to her mouth, but what was done was done. Sana was petrified, tears already welling up her eyes. Her arms hung limp at her sides as she stood devastated by the harsh answer.

 

“I’m… I’m sorry. Please let me be alone for some time…” Jihyo’s voice cracked. She slammed the door shut, but it was one second too late- her members already heard the choked sobs that she could no longer hold in.

 

____

 

Tzuyu did not come home until nighttime. As the clock struck ten, she appeared at the dorm entrance, looking listless and distressed.

 

When she reached the common room, she was surprised by the gloomy atmosphere. Nayeon and Jeongyeon were sitting on either side of the couch, looking as if someone just told them their wedding were cancelled. Mina was staring at nowhere in particular, her eyes red and puffy from crying. Jihyo was nowhere to be found.

Mina was the first to notice Tzuyu’s presence.

“Tzuyu-ah? Why are you home so late? Where have you been?” Tzuyu was too distracted to answer properly though.

“Where is Jihyo-unnie? I need to talk to her.”

The mention of their leader made Nayeon look up. She narrowed her eyes at Tzuyu, who instinctively winced at the sudden aggression.

“Mina asked you a question, Tzuyu-ah. Why are you asking about Jihyo?”

“W-we were hanging out earlier today, and I must have said something…” Tzuyu was having difficulty breathing. “I think that made Jihyo-unnie angry, and she left.”

If Nayeon’s voice made Tzuyu feel a bit apprehensive, the look of utter shock and disbelief on all three members present frightened her.

“… What happened, Nayeon-unnie? D-did something happen to Jihyo-unnie?” She hesitantly asked, fearing for both the answer and her life.

Before either Sana or Mina had time to react, Nayeon angrily bolted from her sitting position, grabbed Tzuyu’s shoulder and pushed her down the nearest chair she could find. Staring deep into Tzuyu’s helpless eyes, she whispered in a dangerous tone.

“Tzuyu, Jihyo is crying in the bedroom. She asked to be alone, and we have no idea why. But now we know it has something to do with you.”

Tzuyu was ready to burst into tears in any second. At this moment, a gentle hand laid itself on Nayeon’s shoulder to appease any further outburst.

“Nayeon-unnie, don’t be like this," came Mina's soothing whisper. "We know you’re worried, but you’re just making Tzuyu feel worse.”

It calmed Nayeon down enough to throw Tzuyu a look that could pass as apologetic, and she backed away. Mina took the opportunity to crouch down and gently cup Tzuyu’s cheeks. She instinctively leaned into the newfound source of warmth for solace. It helped, albeit not by much.

“Tzuyu-ah, I know you feel terrible right now," she said, low and soft, as comforting as she could manage. “We don’t hate you. We all love you very much, we just want you guys to feel better.”

It was more than Tzuyu could take. After all that had just happened, the tenderness and care was far too much for her to handle. Her lips quivered. Her throat clogged up and her lips bit together tightly, and even though she squeezed her eyes shut, she couldn't keep the tears in. Another heartbeat and she choked on the first sob.

“M-Mina-unnieee… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I hurt Jihyo-unnie, I don’t know what to do…” She said between hiccups, her voice cracking.

Mina’s eyes watered, it hurt so much to see her closest friends like this. First Jihyo, now Tzuyu. She pulled the maknae’s shaking form into her arms. She held Tzuyu in silence, rocking her slowly as the torrent of tears soaked her chest.

_____

After a few minutes, Tzuyu managed to calm down a little and retold the whole story. She glanced desperately at her unnies, who all had their heads buried in their hands.

“Tzuyu-ah…” It was Sana who gave the first opinion. “I thought since you two are really close, you’d know this already, but Jihyo hates photographing. Like, she really hates it.” Nayeon and Mina nodded.

Tzuyu’s eyes widened. She looked at her unnies slack-jawed, hoping she heard it wrong. At Tzuyu’s bewilderment, Sana sighed and continued.

“Do you remember our second mission in Sixteen?” Tzuyu slowly nodded. “You were in Minor back then, so you wouldn’t know this. Jihyo was scolded for being so inconfident, since she always hid herself behind us. She was really insecure about her weight back then, you know.”

“But…” Tzuyu wanted to speak, but Sana cut her off.

“That’s not the worst part Tzuyu-ah. She was afraid of being kicked from the show, so she spent all her time studying up on photography. We were sleeping in the same room, and every time I woke up, she was at her laptop, reading about aperture, rule of third, beauty angles, all those stuff. She had a disgusted look on her face all that time. Still, she read up on everything, learned her own beauty angles, and tested them out. She did all that in one night. The day after that we had our individual photoshoot, and this time she did better. Well…” Sana trailed off as Tzuyu looked down in extreme guilt. The tears she barely managed to suppress were creeping back into her vision, threatening to fall again.

Despite the improvement, it was not enough for Jihyo to maintain her place in the Major team, and it was none other than Tzuyu who took her necklace. Of course, it was not necessarily her fault, since none of them had any say in whose necklace they were to yank off, but Tzuyu was no robot. It was not very different from an executioner exercising his job; it had felt absolutely terrible, even more so now that she knew how hard Jihyo tried.

_That’s why she acted like that. She despised it yet she spent the whole afternoon with me, and I told her to go for it again tomorrow._

“I… I never knew… Jihyo-unnie always looked so happy, so excited when we took pictures together, even just now…” Tzuyu managed to squeeze out her last argument, her voice quivering.

Nayeon, who had been keeping silent until now, heaved a sigh in frustration.

“Jinjja… Tzuyu-ah, I love you, but right now I really want to slap you.” Tzuyu lowered her head yet again. “Just tell me this, are you just too blind and stupid to see what’s in front of you? Or you just don’t care about your leader at all?”

Tzuyu stayed silent. For once, it did not seem that bad to choose the first choice, to admit to being blind and stupid.

“That’s enough, Nayeon-unnie.”

Tzuyu snapped her head up at the voice she loved so much. Sure enough, Jihyo was standing there, listening to the whole conversation. She stared into Jihyo’s big brown irises, normally bright and cheerful, but now distant and lifeless. It was clear that she was crying, only stopping mere moments ago.

“Jihyo…” Nayeon tried to explain, but Jihyo cut her off.

“Tzuyu doesn’t deserve to be insulted like that, Nayeon-unnie. I appreciate it a lot that you care enough to defend me, but it isn’t her fault. It’s mine.”

Jihyo proceeded to crouch down to where Tzuyu was sitting. She wiped away the wet strands of hair sticking on Tzuyu’s face, revealing underneath them desperate eyes looking back at her, heavily bloodshot from crying.

“There’s nothing you should feel bad about, Tzuyu-ah. I overreacted and ruined our day. If only I didn’t love you as much as I do, we would not have to be here right now.”

“You… love me?” For the first time in the night, Tzuyu’s question was filled with hope. She did not expect what came next.

“Yes I do, Tzuyu-ah. I was just too selfish to know you’re uncomfortable with that.” Taking a deep breath, Jihyo continued.

“I won’t lie, it does hurt really bad when you think I like photography. I… I guess I just got my expectations up too high. It’s presumptuous of me to hope there’s something between us and that you would know me more personally, while I never bothered to talk about myself. I will try to get rid this unwanted feeling, and we’ll be good friends again, I promise.”

Jihyo declared, and without waiting for the maknae to response, she turned on her heels and went back to her bedroom.

The sight of Jihyo walking away from her had never been so painful to Tzuyu.

“No!!!” All of a sudden, she screamed, startling everyone present. Her voice was croaking and hoarse from the sheer amount of crying she did that night alone.

_You’re my translator, Jihyo-unnie. I’m always lost and helpless without you._

_You’re my cook. Everything you made for me is the best delicacy in this world._

_You’re my tutor. With you by my side, everything becomes clear._

_You’re my waiter. You are always there, satisfying my every whim. I’m most comfortable with you around, and no one else._

_You’re my photographer, and I am yours. I want to be the prettiest person in your eyes, just as much as I want you to be one in mine. I want you to look at only at me._

_I’m so afraid that you’d reject me, so I can never say what I want to._

_I’m selfish and insensitive and stupid. I don’t deserve you, but you’re my everything._

_I love you, Jihyo-unnie. Please don’t leave me._

Tzuyu collapsed onto the floor. She was mentally exhausted, and with the shock of what Jihyo said, her mind decided to run away from reality.

_____

When Tzuyu awoke, it was dawn.

She opened her eyes to an unfamiliar surrounding. Blinking once, she registered it was the dorm’s biggest bedroom. She could faintly see the sleeping figures of her unnies around her.

The one lying directly opposite from her was Mina, blissful in slumber while hugging her penguin plushine. Peering downwards, Tzuyu could made out Sana’s hairstyle on the bed at the far side of the room.

_Then, this bed I slept on must be…_

Yesterday’s events hit her hard, not unlike an express train running over a clueless deer. Tzuyu suddenly felt dizzy as everything came flooding back, she closed her eyes to balance herself from the emotional vertigo.

Only then did she notice a foregin source of heat snuggling behind her, a newfound warmth that kept her in place.

Jihyo cracked open a sleepy eye as her human teddy bear shifted. She smiled at the sight of Tzuyu sitting up and staring at her in utter astonishment.

“Tzuyu-ah, you’re awake. You really scared us there, you dummy.”

“J-Jihyo-unnie? What happened? Why am I here?” Tzuyu stuttered, still reeling from the shock.

“Well, since you don’t seem to remember anything, I guess I’ll have to embarrass you again.” Jihyo replied, tongue in cheek. “You were really drained after yesterday, so after your adorable confession, you just fell asleep right on the floor. I carried you to my bed, and here we are.” This only served to confuse the maknae even more, and now that she was fully awake, make her a bit nervous.

“Confession? To w-whom?” It was not like Tzuyu did not know the answer to that already, she was just not sure when or how she did it.

Jihyo grinned amusedly, a blush forming on her face as she recalled. “Oh, I don’t know…” she ran a finger down Tzuyu’s flawless cheek. “A certain translator-slash-cook-slash-tutor-slash-waiter-slash-photographer, ring any bell?”

Tzuyu’s eyes grew twice its size, and her mouth dropped open. “Oh my god!! I said that out loud? I thought it was only in my head!!”

“You certainly did, Tzuyu-ah. Loud and clear, enough for everyone to hear.” The maknae snapped her head to the side. Mina was already awake and looking at them, wearing a proud smile. “You finally managed to say what you think. I’m so happy for you.”

“Yah!!! I can’t believe this!” Unable to handle the embarrassment, Tzuyu sought refuge by burying her head in Jihyo’s ample chest, which made the older girl laugh.

“But really…” Jihyo said, eyes glistening from mirth. “I’m really glad to hear you say all that Tzuyu-ah. I was this close to giving up, but it was so sweet I fell for you all over again.”

From her position, Tzuyu mumbled something unintelligible.

“Huh? I didn’t quite catch you.”

“I’m so sorry unnie.” Tzuyu finally looked up. Her eyes were a storm of emotions; guilt and sadness, mixed with appreciation happiness. “For everything.”

“It’s okay, dummy yoda.” Jihyo said, looking down fondly at the guilt-ridden girl. “It’s all okay now.”

“Can I kiss you?” Tzuyu asked with particular boldness. Jihyo grinned, pressing her lips against Tzuyu’s own. They both melted into the kiss, relishing in the soft sensation and sweet taste of one another’s lips. It was soft, chaste and slow, yet it drove both of them crazy, and left them wanting more afterwards.

“I love you Tzuyu. So much.”

“I love you too, Jihyo-unnie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing anything other than fluff. I'm not happy with the result, how the story progresses, how I portrayed emotions, etc. Please leave some feedback if possible, so I can realize my mistakes and improve next time. Thanks for reading everyone!


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